Words of Wisdom

DAILY PRACTICE: Push hard to get better, become smarter, grow your devotion to the truth, fuel your commitment to beauty, refine your emotional intelligence, hone your dreams, negotiate with your shadow, cure your ignorance, shed your pettiness, heighten your drive to look for the best in people, and soften your heart -- even as you always accept yourself for exactly who you are with all of your so-called imperfections. -- pg 5 Pronoia is the Antidote for Paranoia Rob Brezsny


Read and repeat multiple times a day.

Welcome to the Dollhouse

I've begun to question who I am.

Personally, I blame my marathon viewing of the only two seasons of Dollhouse.

But there's more.

In the course of a few weeks last year, I had my boss bring up my bipolarness in a closed door reprimand meeting; my boyfriend's best friend explain away why I was angry as being bipolar instead of being angry at the situation at hand; and my boyfriend's therapist (whom I have never met) tell my boyfriend that I'm not bipolar.

I've rebuilt my life back in 2004 when I was diagnosed. I felt whole. The missing piece was finally there. I could explain myself to people and more importantly, to myself. Hi, I'm Kelly. I'm bipolar. It's who I was. It's who I am. It made me get help and come to terms with aspects of my personality that I didn't want to. It made me better.

Fastforward to 2010/2011: I've been off any pysch-meds for going on two years. I take my vitamin D and a multi-vitamin and for the most part, I'm fine. But I still swing, my stress levels rise like a flash flood and the dam breaks.

I asked Jack yesterday if he ever felt like he needed a vacation from life. And he responded with asking if our relationship was working out.

And it all makes me wonder what's in my head and what's not. And should I just go with my reality of things because, well, I can't have another.

And as long as I'm breathing, that's good right? And where do I go from here? And is this all exacerbated because I have a small fever?

And I can't get the Dollhouse theme out of my head.